Dommes & Sub Sandwiches

Happened yesterday in my house:   Dinner time. The girls and I were in the kitchen in a flurry of activity making sandwiches and soup for this cold and rainy day in Northern California. I sliced a couple fresh slices off a new loaf of bread for my partner and called into the living room for him that his bread was ready. When he came into the kitchen, he asked, "where's my sandwich" in a sort of business-like way, presuming I made...

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I’m Going Rogue This Valentine’s Day. Here’s What I’m Doing Instead.

How many of you look forward to Valentine’s Day? How many of you think it totally sucks? Valentine's Day is hard for a lot of unpartnered people - that is single, divorced, widowed, for example. This day is typically focused on couples. You've got "2 for 1 specials", romance, and lame "sexy movie" releases to build excitement (*AHEM, I'm looking at you Fifty Shades Darker), and it doesn't actually work for people who are unpartnered. Sometimes, this holiday leads people to feel a...

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Part 2: Learning About Consent – The Real Life Application

In Part 1, I shared the one experience of going through the first days of a 5-day consent workshop and how it felt to my limbic system and threw me back to the days of being a mother of newborns. Brutal! So now: Part 2 - A Real Life Application of What We Learned On the evening of night three, I was not quite as physically and emotionally drained as I was in the first two days, so when my partner and...

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Part 1: Learning about Consent – A Graduate Course

What do you know about "consent"? I mean, really know. It comes up in a lot of conversations about sex - getting it, giving it, consequences of moving forward without it - but how do you give someone the EXPERIENCE of experiencing consent first hand? Making conscious choices about <what we do and when and with whom and how> are all part of this. There has been much written about this topic. College campuses have tried to step up and...

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Sex Education from the Perspective of a 14-Year-Old

The following is an interview I did with my 14-year-old daughter after she graduated from the Unitarian Universalists "Our Whole Lives" (OWL) Sexuality Education Program. This OWL course was the program for 7th to 9th graders, and it ran for 26 weeks covering about everything it possibly could in that time frame - values, gender identity, healthy relationships, to name a few topics. I asked Marcia a few questions as we drove in the car - Cindy was also...

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I Talked To My Kid About Butt Plugs and You Will Never Guess Her Takeaway

This photo and my reaction to it sparked a great, matter of fact conversation with my 12-year-old about anatomy, safety, and the importance of a flared base. This photo was going around the internet on Facebook.   It is a picture of a pug dressed up in black latex with a shape on its back that resembles a sex toy called an anal plug. The caption said "butt pug" and it looked like a butt plug. I showed it to my partner and...

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Rewriting My Body Image Programming

I get the opportunity to learn and share lots of tools and techniques I can use with clients to enhance their sexual experiences. Many of these exercises are not sexual at all - something that surprises some of my clients. American adults tend to sexualize so much. Recently, I discovered a tool that helped me experience a profound personal shift around body image. One that brought me to tears. ...But before I tell that story, let me give you some...

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How “Seen & Not Heard” Could Be Grooming Kids for Predators

Previous title: Children Learn What They Live - "Seen & Not Heard" Edition https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/06/20/this-was-30-minutes-of-hell-for-this-young-lady-unaccompanied-minor-groped-on-flight/ News stories like this, where children are victims of unwanted sexual contact, make me so fucking angry. At the same time, my heart hurts so deeply for the child. I could share my ire over what I think should be done to this guy (it would not be pretty) or to the airline, but then this post is just another voice on the internet complaining or pointing blame. Neither...

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